i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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