So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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