paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
