I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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