lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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