Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
