So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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