yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
