I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize