just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
