If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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