Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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