Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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