I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
