I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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