she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
