I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
