Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
