Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
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