i jhust puked up my retainher.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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