Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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