I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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