U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
