Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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