that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
