i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
