My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
