We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
