i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize