My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
