I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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