Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
