That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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