Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
