My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
