I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm passing your future prison.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize