Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
