My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
