i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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