i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
