I think I am morally bankrupt
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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