apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
