perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
