this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
