bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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