I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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