I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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