She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
