my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
a search helicopter?!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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