I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We named our party play list daddy issues
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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