I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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