dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
