I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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