there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
