just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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