does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
