Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
