what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
