I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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