i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
