these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
