I am puke
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize