I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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