Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
