he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize