The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
