I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Drake has all the answers
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
