kristin has been a bad kristin
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
