He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
