I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize