Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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