I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize