I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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