i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
