Four minutes until I can fart!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
