Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
