i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
