1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
