Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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