Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
