Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
