i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
