Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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